


Heavier than wings

by emolitt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Destiel - Freeform, Hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 19:57:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3262475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emolitt/pseuds/emolitt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is one thing you cannot learn from simply ignoring other people's personal space: intimacy</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heavier than wings

Dean had wanted to… well, he had _said_ , when he entered, that he wanted to talk. But that had been nearly fifteen minutes of latent communication ago. And somehow, since he’d entered, though the silence had grown, the distance between them had steadily diminished. Cas couldn’t recall either of them moving. How had they ended up barely a few feet apart on the bed?

With a casual slap at his arm that sent a curious rush of electricity down Cas’ spine, Dean asked, "You … okay?"

Cas thought he was. Why shouldn’t he be? The concept of personal space had never bothered him. Even though there had been more than enough attempts of reinforcement in the past, his care for it had been, at best, detached. But this was different – this was ... intimate.

He wanted to say, "Yes." But he couldn’t even manage a whisper. A manic hammering made itself felt in his chest, as if something was thrashing in there and trying to break its way through. Thoughts of _LEVIATHANS!_ appeared, screaming so loudly the fabric of his head reverberated, and there was no room for anything else. His breath caught in his throat and he clutched at his pants so tightly his fingers dug painfully into his own flesh.

No. Not again. Never again!

Please

!

Cold. Alone. Loss.

 

Out of the consuming void something gripped him tight and pulled him back to the present. Except, the drumming was still there – crashing against his ribs like a wild beast.

Though suddenly he understood what it was. It was his heart! This did not immediately calm it. His chest and throat and memories clung to the raw pain. But something kept him from drifting back into the colourlessness, and the density dissolved. Where was he?! He was … in … his room. On his bed. And he was Castiel – he was _Cas_. Just Cas. There was nothing else inside him but himself, and the thing in his chest was his own, labouring heart.

A single, clear though floated up: _Dean_.

And that's when he noticed how much closer Dean was. He was holding his shoulder, tightly. It was _Dean_ who had pulled him away from the despair, and now anchored him to reality.

He could no longer sense Dean as he once had, but he remembered the beauty of his soul. Of his heart. So this is what having such a heart felt like. This, too, is to be human...

The edges around his mind lightened. Cas wasn't sure how long the shattering panic had lasted – maybe for years, and at the same time it was as if it had never happened at all.

Relief and warmth showered through him. There was a lump in his throat that forced his next breath to come as a rattled sob. His gaze was redirected towards his right by strong fingers on his chin. Worried green eyes pierced his own.

"Hey. Hey, you sure you're okay!?”

Acting on an instinct he didn't know he had, Cas lunged at Dean and hugged him as though his sanity depended on it. Maybe it did. There was a small, huffed, “Oh,” from Dean, and his hands hovered uncertainly, like a corporeal halo. But as the rigidness of the initial shock thawed and his arms finally came to rest on Cas’ back, Cas felt himself melt further into the body he was clinging to.

This was … new. It was unfamiliar. But most definitely okay.

"Yes," he said at last, smiling into Dean's neck. "I'm okay. Now. Just… please … never let me go.”  
“I won’t.”

And as Cas sighed he suddenly felt lighter than he could remember ever being.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a sweet, very short, scribble but then it took an unexpected turn…and went to all the places I didn’t expect it to :/
> 
> Sort of based on personal experiences ... and wishes to have an anchor...


End file.
